by

Another semester gone …

Wow time flies indeed. It is June already and I am thinking what has happened to the year? I wish I knew an answer to that one. I don’t have much to show except perhaps a stronger sense of where I am going. Until yesterday, I wasn’t really sure about my destination but now the picture is clear. And this is thanks of course to great supervision 🙂 .

Over the past months I have had the privilege of understanding why people claim that age brings wisdom. Alf has repeatedly told me that sometimes hating your work is a signal of working… and naturally I thought that was insane. I mean how could going nowhere quickly be regarded as working and most importantly part of the journey? I didn’t understand that before but today all the little pieces are coming together! And as Alf has once said: they could be better ways to cook pasta than methods known to us presently so continuing the exploration is not an exercise in futility. With that I continue with my journey and thankfully with a stronger appreciation of taking wisdom from the old 😉 .

Share
by

Prays for the return of the years of gentlemen-hood

Its been a while since I blogged and I think yesterday was one of those enlightning days for me that are worth documenting. I came to peace with the idea of remaining single for eternity. Not something that my elders would want to hear but I am clear that until I meet a gentleman I am not settling for a guy with muscles and/or looks.

So what happened. Well I was in a company of a guy that is definately easy on the eyes. I had absolutely no problems with the fact that Fresh the person to him refers to the DJ and while for me it refers to the prince of Bel Air. Nor did I have problems with the fact that if I were to cook a meal for him I would have to cook his steak and veggies to death. And I am not even going to discuss music…! Back to the point, despite the obvious differences I still never expected the guy mid-conversation to pick up his phone and call a friend about a non-urgent issue.

The guy practically made an ‘oh sh%$t’ statement and called his friend to discuss trivial issues about either girls or beer. I just can’t remember for I was seething with anger. Unfortunately it didn’t occur to me to ask him to stop the car but it did dawn on me that he would rather be chating on the phone than converse with me and so I called him as soon as he was off the phone. Did he answer? Of course not, he thought I was insane and perhaps blowing things out of proportion. I think I was too shocked to blow anything and frankly if I were to blow anything it would have been him and guys like him who lack a sense of what good manners entail.

For me, the ultimate good manners for guys is captured by an era of gentleman-hood. An era when no woman would open doors for themselves (unless there was no male in her company) and certainly an era when a man would know that it is only polite to excuse himself if at all he cannot resist the pulse to have a conversation with another.

Until the return of such an era, I shall remain happily single! And I must admit I never thought I could ever say this but there, it is said! I will not only be a ‘lefetoa’ (one passed for marriage) but will graduate to be a ‘mokubata’ (politically correct translation is a cold spinster and the proper translation is not so kosher)! Not necessarily easy labels to live with in our society but I know that I have the power to respond or not to respond to such labels. Hence, it is my decision to embrace a life without a guy if it means not sharing a life with a gentleman. Am I insane?

Share
by

Mortality

“Lefu le qoleng ea kobo!” This is a saying that one often hears at home and its literal translation is ‘death lies at a tip of a blanket’ (remember that Basotho are a nation of proud blanket wearers and as such it is fitting to use blanket). This expression is often used to remind us of our own mortality so that we can live a meaningful life where each day is lived to its fullest.

Let me get straight to the point of this blog. About two weeks ago, whilst watching soccer and explaining why my support for teams is dependent on which team is least favoured in the room. Denis, a fellow resident at the village, remarked about my perspective on things. I had stated to him in the past that I believe death needs to be celebrated for no one is likely to leave this world alive. We all laughed at this seemingly hidden life secret whose reality only hits us when a loved one has been called to meet up with the creator. He thought that my aurgument was very unusual but being the nice guy he was, he made it a point to understand my point of view….

Today, I learnt that Denis answered the call to leave this world of ours. This came as a real shock but I guess it is true;”lefu le qoleng ea kobo”. With this expression coming to mind, I quickly remembered elements of my argument to Denis that much as we may feel pain or sorrow, we need to embrace death as the key that finally grants us a true peaceful dwelling with our creator. Denis has run his race with grace and kindness; for that he will certainly be remembered. I therefore hope that as his family and all who know him mourn, will also celebrate his loving and kind heart. It is also my hope that we will continue with own race in life with full appreciation that our time may not be as long as we hope; thus we need to live each day as though it was our last.

Finally,it is my sincerest prayer that his soul will rest in perfect peace and in time that his family will come to terms with his departure.

Share
by

Quest for 2009

Wow! We are are in 2009 and I am still in the process of settling in. Yes I know it is past mid-Jan to be settling in but “ha li na mo tloha pele” (an early or late start is immaterial for only the end matters).

So first things first. Let me wish all a very happy and fruitful year. I hope all will find that which they are looking for. Personally I intend to find myself. This quest was inspired by Cozzie a wonderful lady that has played a significant role in my life from day 1 as she puts it. Anyway Cozzie on the 31st Dec paid me a visit and in our conversation she made me realise the importance of retaining self as one grows. As she aptly put it, in any kind of a relationship one needs to always retain the essence of who they are lest they wake up one fine morning to wonder what happened to the them?

I do believe that I have lost myself a little bit. I feel I am no longer the Mathe I was a while back before my BMI bordered on obesity. Therefore as a matter of priority one of my goals for this year will be to go back and find myself. The upside is that my view from the back is quite pleasing despite the weight or precisely because of it … I have had “bo ke metsi a foro ke ea lelemela” (the easy going type of men who are as fluid as water running in a pipe) proclaim their undying love walking behind me without seeing how I look. The downside is that in turning back, some may feel I am turning my back on them but that is far from the truth. My quest is simply about self-knowledge and being proud of who I am.

Share
by

Rainy day in Gtown

Today when I started the day, I thought what a miserable weather. But after the wonderful evening I had the previous night and being woken up at dawn by a call from my sister, I thought may be I should take it easy. I did take it easy but by mid-morning I started to feel positively miserable with the idea of spending the day without human contact. So I cooked and invited a friend over for lunch. The dessert was to die for…strawberries drizzled with balsamic vinegar and sweetener plus a touch of white pepper. It was absolutely delish 😉 .

After lunch and light conversation, it suddenly occurred to me that I should be regarding the rain as a blessing. Basically it dawned on me that Basotho do seem to believe that there is connection between the weather and significant days in ones life. For example, if it is insanely cold than expected at a funeral particularly of an elderly person (usually female) then person might have practiced witchcraft. Similarly, if it were to gently rain say at someone’s wedding then those showers are regarded as but blessings from the Gods and God.

It is and has been raining the whole day in Gtown today and it is my birthday. Could the rain be a blessing? This is the question that I asked myself whilst I tried to suppress my misery. Frankly in answering the question I did conclude that indeed the rain must be a blessing otherwise our National motto: “Khotso, Pula Nala (Peace, Rain, Prosperity)!” would be meaningless. I also concluded that if I had a partner to share the day with, I would have not struggled with seeing the rain as a blessing. A rainy day is not refered to as BMW or rather baby making weather for nothing 😉 .

On the basis of my conclusion, which does or should indicate that each year I do get a little bit wiser than the year before, I proceeded to reflect on my birthday blessings. As previously stated, I had a pre-birthday celebration that consisted of gloriously prepared food with each course matched up with suitable wine and the last course being properly prepared Irish coffee (I am talking sideshow with flames during preparation). The company was also very good like it was today. But, aside the eating, drinking, laughing, and flame sideshows, I got the sweetest card accompanied by a very generous gift from George – thanks a lot George ;-).

And today despite feeling a little bit alone, I was totally blown away by the calls, smses, emails and facebook wall postings from family and friends. I am thankful to have you all in my life. Thank you so much for your wishes there is no doubt in my mind that I am blessed. I also know that there are many of you who probably just forgot but I have been known to also forget so I am not holding anything against anyone. I am truly grateful to all those in my life period. God bless you all <3

Share
by

Another Year Gone -Part II

In the last posting I focused on the tears I shed…those tears were but the rain to the growing flower. Now it is time for the sunshine…. friendship and family. During the rainy days I usually forget how blessed I am in that arena although not in the usual sense. For example, I have an unusual relationship with my parents; there is definitely love but terms of expression are unusual. And the negotiation of those terms in mild terms has been as difficult as America’s admission of going into recession.

I derailed so let me get back to the point. This year I learnt that with friends the sun can shine even in the rain resulting in something beautiful….a rainbow! I am thus grateful to my friends for tolerating me even when I pushed them away. I know some of you don’t necessarily think I give as much as I take (well except for Tjontjo but then again you are family not friend) since I tend not to apply context – or rather because I honestly believe that things said either as a joke or when one is drunk hold some truth in them. I cannot defend my beliefs nor justify them without visiting the past and as all know nothing much is gained by reflecting back on what we cannot change; only the future counts :-).

In a nutshell, without my friends and family this past year would not be worth a lot. I have grown a lot especially in fighting you ;-). Barns because I spent the large part of my time with you, I fought with you the most but as you have suggested the true measure of any relationship can simply be measured by how much the other party is willing to fight with you and for you in making the relationship work. (Caution: Barns is not as intelligent as it may sound :-P) So Barns I am sorry if I have been a pain and I hope you will be getting me Louis XIII !

To end, even when I felt alone I knew you were all there rooting for me all the way. Thank you and God bless <3 <3 <3

Share
by

Another Year Gone -Part I

It is that time of the year that I look back to reflect on my year. What a year this has been! I have done a lot of crying and I blame Tjontjo for it – someone or something has to shoulder the blame …it is the law of the universe 😉 . I found myself crying a lot more than I usually do in a year because I am trying so hard not to react in ways that I have been known to respond to situations in the past. And this exercise has led me to realise that having a strong exterior in itself doesn’t mean one has a strong interior. If not that, it means I am worn-out or was simply too hasty in the past to engage in war.

Well I cannot comment on that but I can say I took to heart the advice not to confuse a humbling act with humiliation. When the advice was given I was short of asking if I should just open up and swallow crap. The reason I didn’t pose such a question was that the advice simply suggested that I should learn to exercise the power to respond to situations instead of reacting. (But for those who know me well, the question would have been well in line with my interpretation; I subscribe to the philosophy WISINWIM – what is said is not what is meant.) I know some say such a philosophy makes me presumptous and I agree although not fully for I have been right even when I was wrong! This is another lesson learnt this year whilst in pursuit of the truth that my heart knew but for some reason I had to hear it (and later cry – the truth hurts but I can and shall always prefer the truth).

Another lesson learnt for the millionth time is that God has a healthy sense of humuor. This was the year that I was intending to stay in the black. I had planned my finances well but I was in recession long before anyone talked about it 🙂 . Now that didn’t make me cry for I have been making this promise since I started working moons ago!

Loneliness made me cry. This year I felt the true magnitude of the words captured in a Sesotho saying: “pulumo-ea-seema-se-inotsi” (a buck that stands by itself). These words I first heard them from Morena Mojela, who has recently passed away, at a funeral of his wife (may their souls rest in perfect peace). Anyway, I cannot begin to describe the feeling itself but I can tell you that the worst thing about feeling such alone is knowing that there are friends and family who love you dearly but for some strange reason you continue to feel lost. I found refuge in chocolate and now there is more of me to love 😉 .

So whats in the cards for next year? I don’t know but I am ready for I have learnt that with age expectations have to be adjusted and true contentment begins with making such adjustments. So as I celebrate getting closer to 30 on Thursday, I shall embrace all that lies ahead for me – the good and the bad – and the song that comes to mind for this glorious celebration is Joy and Pain (fragment of the lyrics shown below) by Frankie Beverly and Maze. All are welcome to dance with me, I know how to shake what my mama gave me 😀 !

…
Over and over you can be sure
There will be sorrow but you will endure
Where there’s a flower there’s the sun and the rain
Oh and it’s wonderful there both one and the same

Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain …

Share
by

Visit to Raphael Centre

Paid a visit to the Raphael centre with Denis. We had a chat with Sister Matama. After providing a brief overview of the system that we want to develop, we asked the type of questions that are commonly asked by clients. We were told that the following were very typical:

  • Will the test be painful i.e. will it be sore? [Answer: one gets pricked so it MIGHT be painful]
  • How long will it take to have the test and get the results? [Answer: 5 – 20 minutes but people need to be aware there is also the pre and post counselling that is mandantory that may affect the time]
  • Is confidentiality assured? [Yes it is. …]

For people that call to make enquiries, the most asked question is about the whereabouts of Raphael Centre and the times that it is open. Sister Matama emphasised that rarely do they get people who want to be counselled over the phone. That is, people seem to prefer to come in and ask about testing and other related information.

On the question of what our system needs to capture, a question asking the user about knowledge of their status should be the backbone of the system functionality. The answer to this question should:

  • provide information about places for testing.
  • put emphasis on confidentiality.
  • inform the caller that couples can be tested together but friends cannot.
Share