I know eavesdropping is not necessarily moral but I do it often when I dine alone (which is a lot in G-town). This week I listened with great interest and enthusiasm to what people had to say about polygamy. And it is not because I believe in the practice, for I DON’T! I just believe in the concept of culture.
First, let me state that I appreciate that understanding anyone’s culture is not an easy task. So my intention is not to be or sound virtuous. My intention is to merely pose a few questions that may hopefully help to differentiate culture from wrong-doing or even immorality.
From what I heard, it sounded to me like people had accepted Mr President’s statement that polygamy is a cultural practice. Indeed this is true, but only if accepted and understood in context.
For example, in Lesotho not every man can practice polygamy because not all men have a sizeable herd of cattle. Of course, I am not being literal here! My point is, not every man can have more than one wife unless the man can provide for the wives (without assistance from anyone 😉 ). That is, the man has to be on the wealthy side.
[It is important to note that the “clause” attached to wealth or affordance only applies when a man wants to practice polygamy. For monogamy, “monyala ka peli o nyala oa hae” . Roughly translated, this means with two cows one can marry. Therefore, even the poorest of the poor can marry since with love and honour one can build a family*.]
Ok, back on track…affordability is just one dimension. The other important dimension pertains to whether or not the wife or wives approve; for without approval the family will never be united. The question then to ask is: what does approval entail? Does the man go out to hunt or he merely expresses his desire to increase his ‘spread’ ? If he goes to hunt, is it before or after seeking approval?
To me, the answers to these questions define what is culturally acceptable and what is immoral. If approval is sought after a man has planted his seed that becomes rubber stamping and therefore that cannot be taken as part of traditional culture or any culture based on respect. And indeed, in such scenarios, as far as Sesotho culture is concerned, a man wouldn’t seek approval but would seek to make necessary amendments; precisely because he acknowledges his wrong-doing or immorality. When this acknowledgement is made, then we happily move forward since to forgive is divine!
___________
* Its interpretations such as this one that make me appreciate the depth of Sesotho language! As a by the way, the statement is a classic example of use of what is known as “mokhabo-puo-lepata”! Translated, this means language embellished with hidden meaning!
