Journey, Lessons and Reflection

Last night, like I have done many times before, I sat in solitude to reflect and take stock of my life and my journey thus far. I cried, laughed and sighed in absolute despair as I attempted to answer the question: Am I any closer to becoming the Mathe I truly want to be?

I acknowledged with gratitude how far I have come to where I am today. Then, I went on to ask myself the question: how does one truly measure the proverbial journey of a “thousand miles”? Is it by the distance travelled or the distance to be travelled?

I am not sure if there are simple answers but at the same time I wanted to know what emotion was legitimate for me to feel. Sadly, I am not very close to where I want to be.

I want to be at a place of contentment filled with inner and outer peace even when the hand dealt to me is less than ideal. A place where material possessions, money, fear etc play minimal or no role at all in making decisions! A place which in few words affords me the “arrogance of choice” i.e. choice that is driven by my priorities and truth about this journey called life.

Any lessons learnt from the journey travelled thus far?

Arrived or not to where I want to be, it is certainly important to reflect on the lessons learnt. While it is fair to say, I have had many lessons from different varying sources, I have learnt two very valuable lessons from attending “mekete”- ceremonial festivities. I have learnt:

  1. It takes hard work and perseverance to get to the ‘feeding stage of the masses’. One my wake up early to see to it that the cooking fire is burning, but there are no guarantees that all will go well. One may be faced with the task to tell off those acting as obstacles to get out of the way or get in line. One may also have to take shit from others but instead of being humiliated by it choose to take it as a humbling act.
  2. How to recognise and appreciate what privilege means. It is privilege if one can have a single person come to offer assistance of any kind. It is also privilege if uninvited guests can come and simply join in with the festivities, be it there are about celebrating a life that has passed on or a union of a new life to be. In a nutshell, privilege is having at least one person walk with you for the entire or part of the journey.

With lessons learnt thus far, I hope as I forge forward to where I want to be, I have the strength and courage to hold on to my faith, trusting that He and only He who knows the desires of our hearts will help me to my destination. I hope also that I may continue to remember words of wisdom from those who privilege me by walking this beautiful journey with me. I am truly grateful for all the words of kindness, support and encouragement I have received. Words such as as this from Carla Tsampiras: “…  remember that shit and rubbish can also make good compost, especially if balanced with nurturing rain and the warm sunlight of those who do believe in you“!

The Egg Count Years

Time really flies! Not so long ago it seemed time was on my side. The world was filled with possibilities and it didn’t matter which road I followed for time was on my side. Now, this is not the case! I have entered the “egg count years”.

It is time to decide on the road to follow when it comes to babies: to have or not to have them? If I didn’t regard this as my very own Shakespearean dilemma, I would toss a coin and all would be decided, finish and klaar!

I guess one thing is certain in this period I have entered: it is going to be interesting! For one, I get to have conversations with my elders about having babies without necessarily getting into the details of how they are made. I assure you, this can get very interesting especially if the elder is struggling with the balance between overt and subtle reference to the baby making process. Actually, I lie! It gets beyond interesting period! It gets humorous. And this, gentle-people, is what I hope will get me through the egg count years.

I may not know what lies ahead but I hope to keep my sense of humor and continue with my quest for the right partner. A guy defined by the word: balance. For example, he can be a male chauvinist to the outside world as long as he can play the yes/no dear routine at home without, of course, losing the passion to fight with me on important issues.

I can provide many more examples but its tick tick for me and need to move to the next task before my egg count gets to zero and I enter the living years (aka life in the 40s).

In the meantime, let me assure you, I shall make every effort to enjoy my egg count years. Yes, I have no idea what the outcome shall be, but I know mine will be a journey on a road that goes “over the Bridge of Sighs into Eternity”Soren Kierkegaard