General

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Aging gracefully

Its official! If I were to decide to leave no seal unscathed I could easily succeed 😉 . This was confirmed by the young men returning from a serenading session who eagerly greeted me as I was heading to the office. They were using words like chicky and with great enthusiasm they made sure I took my time to appreciate why they were in their boxers 😳 !

All in all, I found it rather flattering. But most importantly, I thought that was a clear affirmation that I am far from qualifying as a cougar for I seem to be aging rather gracefully – even if I say so myself 😉 .

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Food for thought from Polanyi

The unprecedented critical lucidity of modern man is fused here with his equally unprecedented moral demands and produces an angry absolute individualism. But adjacent to this, the same fusion produces political teachings which sanction the total suppression of the individual. Scientific skepticism and moral perfectionism join forces then in a movement denouncing any appeal to moral ideals as futile and dishonest. Its perfectionism demands a total transformation of society; but this Utopian project is not allowed to declare itself. It conceals its moral motives by embodying them in a struggle for power, believed to bring about automatically the aims of utopia.

Wow, I am totally blown away by the quote above by Michael Polanyi. The quote is from his book titled: The Tacit Dimension (1966). I know there is no context provided but I think that is what makes it an incredible food for thought quote!

One day I might venture into unpacking this quote but that day is not near. I am afraid that I lack the eloquence to put in writing that which I believe Polanyi is saying 🙁 .

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Friendship and dark days

What indeed is friendship? And what is the measure of good friendship? I may not ever be able to answer the former but the latter I can 😉 .

True measure of friendship is in the dark days when there is but little sunshine in your life. The days when one fears to get out of bed and thinks burying their head under the duvet covers beats the ostrich burying its head in the sand. But get out of bed one must! For the dark days are the days of the truth and with the truth comes the light. Sadly, one such enlightening truth is “when days are dark, friends are few”!

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Prays for the return of the years of gentlemen-hood

Its been a while since I blogged and I think yesterday was one of those enlightning days for me that are worth documenting. I came to peace with the idea of remaining single for eternity. Not something that my elders would want to hear but I am clear that until I meet a gentleman I am not settling for a guy with muscles and/or looks.

So what happened. Well I was in a company of a guy that is definately easy on the eyes. I had absolutely no problems with the fact that Fresh the person to him refers to the DJ and while for me it refers to the prince of Bel Air. Nor did I have problems with the fact that if I were to cook a meal for him I would have to cook his steak and veggies to death. And I am not even going to discuss music…! Back to the point, despite the obvious differences I still never expected the guy mid-conversation to pick up his phone and call a friend about a non-urgent issue.

The guy practically made an ‘oh sh%$t’ statement and called his friend to discuss trivial issues about either girls or beer. I just can’t remember for I was seething with anger. Unfortunately it didn’t occur to me to ask him to stop the car but it did dawn on me that he would rather be chating on the phone than converse with me and so I called him as soon as he was off the phone. Did he answer? Of course not, he thought I was insane and perhaps blowing things out of proportion. I think I was too shocked to blow anything and frankly if I were to blow anything it would have been him and guys like him who lack a sense of what good manners entail.

For me, the ultimate good manners for guys is captured by an era of gentleman-hood. An era when no woman would open doors for themselves (unless there was no male in her company) and certainly an era when a man would know that it is only polite to excuse himself if at all he cannot resist the pulse to have a conversation with another.

Until the return of such an era, I shall remain happily single! And I must admit I never thought I could ever say this but there, it is said! I will not only be a ‘lefetoa’ (one passed for marriage) but will graduate to be a ‘mokubata’ (politically correct translation is a cold spinster and the proper translation is not so kosher)! Not necessarily easy labels to live with in our society but I know that I have the power to respond or not to respond to such labels. Hence, it is my decision to embrace a life without a guy if it means not sharing a life with a gentleman. Am I insane?

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Mortality

“Lefu le qoleng ea kobo!” This is a saying that one often hears at home and its literal translation is ‘death lies at a tip of a blanket’ (remember that Basotho are a nation of proud blanket wearers and as such it is fitting to use blanket). This expression is often used to remind us of our own mortality so that we can live a meaningful life where each day is lived to its fullest.

Let me get straight to the point of this blog. About two weeks ago, whilst watching soccer and explaining why my support for teams is dependent on which team is least favoured in the room. Denis, a fellow resident at the village, remarked about my perspective on things. I had stated to him in the past that I believe death needs to be celebrated for no one is likely to leave this world alive. We all laughed at this seemingly hidden life secret whose reality only hits us when a loved one has been called to meet up with the creator. He thought that my aurgument was very unusual but being the nice guy he was, he made it a point to understand my point of view….

Today, I learnt that Denis answered the call to leave this world of ours. This came as a real shock but I guess it is true;”lefu le qoleng ea kobo”. With this expression coming to mind, I quickly remembered elements of my argument to Denis that much as we may feel pain or sorrow, we need to embrace death as the key that finally grants us a true peaceful dwelling with our creator. Denis has run his race with grace and kindness; for that he will certainly be remembered. I therefore hope that as his family and all who know him mourn, will also celebrate his loving and kind heart. It is also my hope that we will continue with own race in life with full appreciation that our time may not be as long as we hope; thus we need to live each day as though it was our last.

Finally,it is my sincerest prayer that his soul will rest in perfect peace and in time that his family will come to terms with his departure.

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Quest for 2009

Wow! We are are in 2009 and I am still in the process of settling in. Yes I know it is past mid-Jan to be settling in but “ha li na mo tloha pele” (an early or late start is immaterial for only the end matters).

So first things first. Let me wish all a very happy and fruitful year. I hope all will find that which they are looking for. Personally I intend to find myself. This quest was inspired by Cozzie a wonderful lady that has played a significant role in my life from day 1 as she puts it. Anyway Cozzie on the 31st Dec paid me a visit and in our conversation she made me realise the importance of retaining self as one grows. As she aptly put it, in any kind of a relationship one needs to always retain the essence of who they are lest they wake up one fine morning to wonder what happened to the them?

I do believe that I have lost myself a little bit. I feel I am no longer the Mathe I was a while back before my BMI bordered on obesity. Therefore as a matter of priority one of my goals for this year will be to go back and find myself. The upside is that my view from the back is quite pleasing despite the weight or precisely because of it … I have had “bo ke metsi a foro ke ea lelemela” (the easy going type of men who are as fluid as water running in a pipe) proclaim their undying love walking behind me without seeing how I look. The downside is that in turning back, some may feel I am turning my back on them but that is far from the truth. My quest is simply about self-knowledge and being proud of who I am.

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Rainy day in Gtown

Today when I started the day, I thought what a miserable weather. But after the wonderful evening I had the previous night and being woken up at dawn by a call from my sister, I thought may be I should take it easy. I did take it easy but by mid-morning I started to feel positively miserable with the idea of spending the day without human contact. So I cooked and invited a friend over for lunch. The dessert was to die for…strawberries drizzled with balsamic vinegar and sweetener plus a touch of white pepper. It was absolutely delish 😉 .

After lunch and light conversation, it suddenly occurred to me that I should be regarding the rain as a blessing. Basically it dawned on me that Basotho do seem to believe that there is connection between the weather and significant days in ones life. For example, if it is insanely cold than expected at a funeral particularly of an elderly person (usually female) then person might have practiced witchcraft. Similarly, if it were to gently rain say at someone’s wedding then those showers are regarded as but blessings from the Gods and God.

It is and has been raining the whole day in Gtown today and it is my birthday. Could the rain be a blessing? This is the question that I asked myself whilst I tried to suppress my misery. Frankly in answering the question I did conclude that indeed the rain must be a blessing otherwise our National motto: “Khotso, Pula Nala (Peace, Rain, Prosperity)!” would be meaningless. I also concluded that if I had a partner to share the day with, I would have not struggled with seeing the rain as a blessing. A rainy day is not refered to as BMW or rather baby making weather for nothing 😉 .

On the basis of my conclusion, which does or should indicate that each year I do get a little bit wiser than the year before, I proceeded to reflect on my birthday blessings. As previously stated, I had a pre-birthday celebration that consisted of gloriously prepared food with each course matched up with suitable wine and the last course being properly prepared Irish coffee (I am talking sideshow with flames during preparation). The company was also very good like it was today. But, aside the eating, drinking, laughing, and flame sideshows, I got the sweetest card accompanied by a very generous gift from George – thanks a lot George ;-).

And today despite feeling a little bit alone, I was totally blown away by the calls, smses, emails and facebook wall postings from family and friends. I am thankful to have you all in my life. Thank you so much for your wishes there is no doubt in my mind that I am blessed. I also know that there are many of you who probably just forgot but I have been known to also forget so I am not holding anything against anyone. I am truly grateful to all those in my life period. God bless you all <3

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Another Year Gone -Part II

In the last posting I focused on the tears I shed…those tears were but the rain to the growing flower. Now it is time for the sunshine…. friendship and family. During the rainy days I usually forget how blessed I am in that arena although not in the usual sense. For example, I have an unusual relationship with my parents; there is definitely love but terms of expression are unusual. And the negotiation of those terms in mild terms has been as difficult as America’s admission of going into recession.

I derailed so let me get back to the point. This year I learnt that with friends the sun can shine even in the rain resulting in something beautiful….a rainbow! I am thus grateful to my friends for tolerating me even when I pushed them away. I know some of you don’t necessarily think I give as much as I take (well except for Tjontjo but then again you are family not friend) since I tend not to apply context – or rather because I honestly believe that things said either as a joke or when one is drunk hold some truth in them. I cannot defend my beliefs nor justify them without visiting the past and as all know nothing much is gained by reflecting back on what we cannot change; only the future counts :-).

In a nutshell, without my friends and family this past year would not be worth a lot. I have grown a lot especially in fighting you ;-). Barns because I spent the large part of my time with you, I fought with you the most but as you have suggested the true measure of any relationship can simply be measured by how much the other party is willing to fight with you and for you in making the relationship work. (Caution: Barns is not as intelligent as it may sound :-P) So Barns I am sorry if I have been a pain and I hope you will be getting me Louis XIII !

To end, even when I felt alone I knew you were all there rooting for me all the way. Thank you and God bless <3 <3 <3